sooner, but there`s been so much happening I couldn`t get to it. Hey, give me a
FINALLY -- GOOD MUSIC! The big news is the release of the Unwashed Collection --
my first CD. Featuring my buddies Sum 41 and Swollen Members, as well as a bunch
of other artists doing songs I actually like listening to. That`s right, music I
actually like! PLUS -- the CD features my singing debut -- a punked-up version
of Billy Joel`s "You May Be Right".
But here`s the thing -- a lot of record stores and chains are pissed-off with me
for bad-mouthing pop music and affecting their sales -- so as revenge, they`re
hiding my CD away on the bottom of the shelf.
So here`s what I need you to do: BUY MY CD!! It`s the only way to foil the
popsters revenge. Show them that they can`t keep fans of real music down! And
besides, the music on the CD kicks major ass -- crank it up and piss-off the
neighbors! It`s called Ed the Sock: The Unwashed Collection, and it`s in stores
As an added bonus for my newsletter gang -- if you buy my CD and e-mail me with
just one of the names in the "Thank You" or "F*** YOU" section of my liner
notes, I`ll send you an autographed picture and put your name in a draw to win a
full-size replica of me -- like the one in Toronto`s Planet Hollywood! So go out
and buy The Unwashed Collection NOW! Thanks for the help, Edheads.
CURB THAT DOG! Okay, I`m sure many of you have seen that cheap knock-off rubber
dog on MTV or Conan O`Brien. Some of you newcomers have even e-mailed to ask who
came first, me or the dog. Well, I`ve been around since 1988, and he`s been
around a couple of years -- so you do the math!
Here`s the story -- a few years ago, I was talking to a staffer at "Late Night
with Conan O`Brien" about coming on the show as a character. We talked back and
forth a bit, I sent them tapes...then they decided not to have me on.
A short time later...lo and behold, Triumph the Insult Comic Dog appears.
Insulting people. Odd voice. With a cigar. Nothing like me, huh?
'Triumph` is the 'creation` of Robert Smigel. Robert Smigel is a writer for
"Late Night with Conan O`Brien." See the 'coincidence`?
Then they had the dog doing remote bits...like I had been doing for a long
while. Then he was interviewing celebrities at the MTV Video Awards...exactly as
I have been doing for about 10 years on the MuchMusic Video Awards. I have a CD
out...he`s getting a CD.
If you think that these are all 'coincidences`...
He`s playing follow the leader...and of course, I`m the leader. The only problem
is, Americans think he came first, and that I am copying the dog! Arrogance! And
so now, because that dog exist, I`m being blocked in my attempts to sell my show
to the U.S. and finally make a buck.
Aren`t you tired of Americans taking Canadian ideas, presenting them as their
own and claiming credit they don`t deserve? Happens all the time.
Well, if you want to protest what`s going on with dog -- here`s how you can
help. E-mail email@example.com and Entertainment Weekly magazine firstname.lastname@example.org
at and let them know that I came first, I`m funnier and I`m the original
cigar-smoking, celebrity-interviewing, ass-kicking puppet. Stand-up for your
Canadian pal -- it`s time we struck back!
MUCHMUSIC NEWS -- Nothing much new to report, no pun intended. They`re still
driving me crazy, trying to keep me down, trying to hold me back. They sandbag
me with lousy videos that I don`t find out about until it`s too late to pull
them, or they play them when I`m away and on-tape.
I did have a fun interview with Coldplay, which will air on September 30. They
were pretty decent guys -- so often, Brit musicians are self-absorbed creeps
(Oasis, Basement Jaxx, etc.). Not that we don`t have similar arses here in North
America, but there`s something extra-assholish about hearing it in a British
We hope to have a staff talent night coming up -- see the professor show some
ability at something other than silly sound effects for once, and the rest of
the crew can demonstrate their creative side. It will either be wonderful or
frightening, maybe a bit of both.
And on October 7th, we air CABIN FEVER. Remember that contest we held, to go to
a viewer`s cottage for a weekend? Well...what a disaster. We asked for photos of
the cottage; we should have asked for character references. This guy was
hated...I mean HATED...by all his neighbors -- and we eventually found out why.
The entire shooting day was like being in the train-wreck from the movie version
of The Fugitive. It was supposed to be shot over two days, but one was all we
could handle, and we didn`t even stay 'til dinner.
Still, bad shoots make for good television. So make sure you watch it...it will
be like a Fox special.
NEW HAIRCUT I`m thinking of getting a new 'do. Any suggestions? So far, I`ve
heard "mullet" and "mohawk", neither of which are going to get the nod. So send
along your ideas.
DATING HORROR STORIES? Send them to us at email@example.com We`re going to do a
show about dating, and we want your stories -- and maybe even to have you join
us live in the Much HQ.
That`s it...you`ll get another newsletter soon. In the meantime, don`t forget to
help me out by buying my CD, and sending the e-mails about that nasty rubber
If you have any questions or anything, e-mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org